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Choosing Single Motherhood: The Thinking Woman's Guide, by Mikki Morrissette
Ebook Download Choosing Single Motherhood: The Thinking Woman's Guide, by Mikki Morrissette
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About the Author
MIKKI MORRISSETTE is a Choice Mother of two and a longtime journalist. She has been both a writer and an editor at Time Inc. and has written and edited special projects for The New York Times. She lives with her children in Minneapolis, where she maintains the ChoiceMoms.org website, and travels around the world hosting workshops for single women who are contemplating and making this choice.
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Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
I was one of the lucky ones. Before I became a Choice Mom, I was oblivious to the issues that many Thinking Women face. I didn’t worry about whether I could afford it, because I had a high-paying job. I didn’t worry about whether I could handle the stress of solo parenting, because I assumed that I could handle anything. I didn’t grieve the fact that I was embarking on motherhood without a lifetime partner, because I had never been a fan of convention. So I was lucky — at the start, anyway. Ignorance can be bliss. Shortly after I became pregnant I started to freak out about whether I would actually like being a mother. Maybe I’d been foolish to think it was the logical next step of my life . . . maybe I was supposed to stay solo, traveling and writing and having experiences as a lone wanderer in the universe. Wouldn’t my life stop if I was locked inside four walls changing diapers and, ohmigod, actually preparing three meals a day, and helping someone else turn into a person who had experiences? Bump. After my daughter was born, in that first year of often lonesome, scary motherhood I discovered many moments of sadness that I wasn’t sharing her development, and mine, with someone else. My local friends were single and childless, with no real interest in being part of my motherhood journey. My family was literally a thousand miles away. I didn’t have a childhood dream of “husband, wife, and kids” to grieve, but I found myself grieving something I couldn’t even define. Bump. After three months of unpaid leave, I was ready to return to my well-paid job — only to learn that I was being “eliminated.” CRASH! Talk about a rude awakening to the realities of life. In hindsight, I’m happy I was oblivious beforehand to how much my life would change. After talking to more than 100 women about their struggles in reaching this decision — and their struggles after — I understand how lucky I was to avoid many of the typical concerns before Sophie was born. Although I had no regrets about being a Choice Mom, my hard-won lessons about the bumps in the road made it more difficult to make a decision the second time. It took about two years of inner debate before I chose Choice Motherhood again, and Dylan was born. Today’s Choice Mothers feel less stigma about their decision than did pioneers of the 1980s. But that doesn’t mean it’s an easy choice. Women today tend to focus less on whether having a child will be seen as “legitimate” for her and the child, and more on whether the decision itself is a legitimate one: Will I have the strength and energy to be a good mother? Do I have the financial, emotional, and support resources to pull it off? Should I wait a little longer to see if life turns a new corner? If you’re struggling with some of the typical “Should I?” conflicts, the next four chapters have been written to help you through. “Am I Single-Mom Material?” looks at some of the most common reasons women hesitate as they contemplate this choice. “Can I Afford It?” explores the number one issue of concern, finances, based on results of an informal survey I did in 2003. “Grieving the Childhood Dream” includes personal stories of women who came to this decision reluctantly, having dreamed for years of raising children with a lifetime partner. “Will My Community Accept Us?” examines the disapproval women have faced from family, friends, and other members of their local network. It also revisits the national conversation Vice President Dan Quayle launched in 1992 about Choice Motherhood when he decried the TV show Murphy Brown for mocking the importance of fathers.NOTE: These are very common concerns. While the material here is ultimately reassuring — so many women have addressed them and gone on to Choice Motherhood — there are many more women who have chosen not to become a single mother because of these questions. Listen closely to yourself.
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Product details
Paperback: 448 pages
Publisher: Mariner Books (May 20, 2008)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0618833323
ISBN-13: 978-0618833320
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 1 x 8.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.1 out of 5 stars
29 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#247,823 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Great information. After a lot of thinking, and considering all the points in this book: turns out it's not for me, and I'm grateful for the honest, non-judgemental content in this book that allowed me to make an informed decision.In case anyone was wondering, here's why I chose NOT to / my personal takeaways:- Living in the U.S. the cases of child kidnapping (aka CPS) are just too great in number. Especially in my state, apparently after further research, I just don't feel SAFE having a child due to the way the government/CPS operates, basically officially and un-officially stripping you of many of your rights as soon as you become a parent.- I'm concerned about not having as many strong male role models in my life at this point - I will need to work on myself and my relationships with others first, if #1 were not an issue, before I would consider bringing a child into the world. It's VERY important to have a strong support network in place before having a baby.
This book discusses so many aspects of single motherhood that a potential mother might worry about. The advice is sound and both sides of each complex issue are presented fairly. It doesn't lead you to a specific answer, but does provide enough information to allow you to add to whatever information you already have to make a decision. I highly recommend this and am happy I bought it, rather than checked it out at a library. It will be a good manual during my journey.The one downside is I would have liked to have seen more specifics when it comes to telling people, including the child, about the father. Most of the books I've read - or the items online - give general advice. But what I think a lot of us want to know is, "What actual and specific words did you use?" (whether the words worked or not).But I highly recommend this book.
I am really enjoying this book. it was just what i needed! Covers a large verity of topics in an accessible way with good references and resources. Book intermingles authors personal experience, other's stories and lots of well researched psychoeducation. Has encouraged me to consider several topics i had not yet as well as clarified several perspectives of issues i have wondered about. Highly recommended​ for anyone considering becoming a single mother by choice. This would not be overly relevant to a child who have become single after the child's birth.
I liked the detailed description of the ups and downs of being a SMC. I enjoyed hearing from older kids about how being donor conceived affected them if it did. This is a great read if you’re a “Thinker†like myself who plans to go down this route in the future.
I have really enjoyed reading this book. I have already decided to become a choice mother, however this book really helped me articulate my feelings better, and gave me tools to talk to family members who have questions.
This book provided encouragement, caused deep thought, and gave varying perspectives. It is enlightening, but also supports one's own path and covers different types of motherhood.
This was one of the best books I read about becoming a single mother by choice. SMC
Light on humor and heavy on the serious issues surrounding single motherhood. Too much for one sitting, but I'll keep it as a resource. In my experience, some of the issues, such as being judged by one's community for being a single mom, are not as relevant today, at least in my area. If you're secure in your decision to be a single mom, others will take their cue from you.
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